maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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