wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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