I can tuck mytits in my pants
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
