I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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