Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
