Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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