I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
