i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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