Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
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I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
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I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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