I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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