you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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