did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
