it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize