roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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