i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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