I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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