If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
