you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
