bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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