I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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