Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
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Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
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I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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