Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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