It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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