I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
