I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
