did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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