I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
