Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
