we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
