I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
