You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
