p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
only if we run a train.
done.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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