I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
