Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
