Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
pop tarts are not kleenex
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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