Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
