shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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