I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
