2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
