How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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