then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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