his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
