i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
