I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
