what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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