Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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