She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
