omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
