you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
