ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
