My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
