We're facebook friends in real life
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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