Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
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you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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