Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
