i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
