can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
