3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
