This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
