honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
