In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
