Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
