u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
