I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
