how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
