i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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