i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
