he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
