I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
