You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
