Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
