The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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