nutella sex= disaster
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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