His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
