how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
