We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
